Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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