God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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