I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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