Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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