3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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