i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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