My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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