toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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