Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize