sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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