I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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