Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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