i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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