it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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