She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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