the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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