I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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