OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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