I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize