I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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