Moan for me like Helen Keller
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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