I'm lost and stupid without you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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