Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize