worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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