I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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