the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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