Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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