Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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