What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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