Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize