this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
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Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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