apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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