I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize