I showed him my bush... on skype.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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