I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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