I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize