The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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