i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have fence marks all over my body
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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