i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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