So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
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This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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