i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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