apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize