My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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