She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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