At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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