Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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