They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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