my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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