hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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