I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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